A lot of new moms wish that their husbands would step in and do more around the house. For instance, spending time with the kids, preparing meals, doing laundry, taking the garbage out and more. This is not usually the case. Most fathers arrive at home, take a shower, eat and sit on the couch to watch sports. Others will opt to spend time in the man cave and away from the kids.
What most moms need to understand is that dads, in general, want to be good husbands and dads. Problem is, they feel what they are supposed to do, they are already doing it and that is providing for the family. As a dad, you need to know that giving your spouse a hand can ease the running and management of your home. You will find that taking on a few more responsibilities around the house improves your relationship and marriage.
So, how can you help your wife out as husband? According to The Wife Choice, these are what you can do:
#1. Make a list
A list allows you to manage your tasks much easier. Instead of waiting for your wife to nag when she needs you to take the garbage out or help with the kids. Take a pen and paper. Sit with your wife and list all chores around the house. Divide the chores between the two of you depending on specialty, strengths and time.
For instance, the husband can pick a task like taking the garbage out every night while the wife sticks with cleaning the dishes. After taking the trash out, the husband can help the kids with their homework as the wife prepares dinner. If all tasks around the home are divided as described above, it is easier to manage the home. Also, everyone pulls their weight.
#2. Define your roles
In most homes today, you can find the husband working a 9 to 5 job while the mom works from home. This means, the mom will be at home all day and much of the parenting will fall in her basket. As such, the mom is available for important tasks such as doctor appointments, play dates, and parent-teacher conferences.
In such an arrangement, it is important for the husband and wife to define their roles. For instance, if the mom will be attending a parent-teacher conference, it is important to inform the husband. By letting him know, he will not feel like he is out of the loop. When it comes to parenting, you can discuss and share your concerns. If new roles have come up, share them between each other. For instance, the wife can clean the dishes while the dad tucks the kids into bed. Defining your roles and identifying strictly daddy and mommy roles helps you connect better.
Remember, always have a weekly discussion about your responsibilities.
#3. Limit TV and Video game time
Playing computer games is great. For starters, it improves your hand to eye co-ordination. Second, it is a form of entertainment which helps to relax your mind and body as well. Problem is, some husbands take it too far. How? They spend most of their time at home watching the TV or playing computer games in the man cave. By doing this, they abdicate their responsibilities and leave everything to the mom.
As a husband, it is important to limit TV and video game time. For instance, you can set a new rule – TV time with the family and 1 or 2 hours maximum for video games. TV time should be set in such a way that it does not interfere with school work if you have school going kids.
The change can be hard at first but if done successfully, it can reduce distractions and increase family togetherness. As such, you will get to focus on each other as a family.
#4. Read a parenting book together
A lot of people have come to believe that there is such a thing as a perfect parent. Well, that’s a myth. Parenting is a learning curve and every moment, you learn something new. The good news is that experts out there have written books from their collective experiences as parents themselves. Others have shared their expert opinions from the observations. As a husband, reading a parenting book together with your wife can help you learn more about parenting. It can also teach you how to approach sensitive topics. For instance, if your kid asks about sex, how will you respond taking into account their age and innocence?
Well, such answers can be found in parenting books. Every week, you can spend 15 minutes to half an hour reading a parenting book. These self-improvement books teach positive relationship, positive marriage, and parenting principles.
#5. Play with the kids
Dads are built to play. As such it comes natural and it’s fun. There are tons of games a dad can play with kids. You have board games, chess, video games, and legos. These are the perfect games every evening after work. On weekends, you can play wrestling or run outside. If your kids have attained the age of riding a bike, you can buy one for every child and head to the park. Alternatively, you can cycle around the neighborhood.
Cycling and running can help you exercise your limbs. According to experts, cycling can help you burn fat which helps with your weight loss efforts. It also promotes cardiovascular health. How? By getting rid of plaque deposits along the arterial wall. Improved heart health eliminates the chances of getting a heart attack. It also eliminates the onset of obesity and diabetes too.
When you play with your kids, you allow your wife to work on her projects or even take care of herself by visit the hairdresser. So, if you want to workout and bond with your kids at the same time, cycle, run and play games together.
#6. Spend time together – husband and wife
When you become parents, you have more responsibilities from taking care of the kids to working. This leaves no room for some alone time together. If this trend continues, you will become distant and this is how the sparks in your marriage die. Want to bring the sparks back into your marriage? Start spending time together as husband and wife.
To make this happen, hire a babysitter. Alternatively, you can ask a family member to come over and watch the kids while you are away. Now that you have some alone time, plan it well. You can go on a date and even book yourselves in a hotel for the night. Spending time together helps you to reconnect.
As you spend time together, treat each other with kindness and respect. No talk about kids, work or your marriage. This time should be left for fun and adventurous activities. Remember, the closer you and your wife are emotionally, and physically, the more you have a stable and happy marriage.
#7.Appreciate your wife
According to John Gottman, author of “And Baby Makes Three”, affection, appreciation, and admiration are the attributes that help to foster a better relationship between parents. As the husband, it is important to look for little ways to be nice. For instance, when you come home from work, pass by the flower vendor and pick her favorite flowers. You can also come home early and offer to massage your wife. This will help to release tension and probably your wife will be more inclined to bedtime duties instead of sleeping.
Doing nice things every day for your wife helps to build a relationship. Also, it helps to maintain good health. Positive emotions boost one’s immune system and in turn, we are protected from diseases. Doing nice things also reduce stress and negative emotions such as aggression, hostility, and anger. One thing you will even notice when you come home, your wife will not snap at you but will always be nice to you.
Final Thoughts
As a couple, you can have a positive relationship and happy marriage by simply helping each other out. To achieve this, make a list of all responsibilities in the house. Define your roles and divide the responsibilities accordingly. Limit TV and video games as this can be distracting and prevents both of you from connecting. Set a few hours to play with the kids in and out of your home. Playing with your kids helps you bond and spend time together. Don’t forget to set a few every week as alone time. During this time, go on a date and engage in fun and adventurous activities together. Last but not least, do nice little things for your wife, every day. Not only will it help to build your marriage and help you reconnect but it boosts positive emotions. This goes a long way in preventing the onset of negative emotions such as anger and aggression.
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